Hi, so I came across this site when my dad forwarded it to me. I've been feeling really down lately and when I read that talking about what has happened might make me feel better, I decided to give it a shot. This might not be totally comprehensive, so bare with me.

I tore my first ACL on January 12, 2010 half way through my junior year. It was during a high school soccer game against our cross-town rivals. I had suffered a cold the whole week before and I was feeling a little bit better, and being the short-sighted person I am, I saw that there was no other choice, I had to play. What would it look like if one of the two captain's on the team decided not to play in one of the most important games of the season? This was what was going through my mind. At the time, it was simple. I was sick, but I wasn't dying. So I played. About half way through the game at the beginning of the second half, I was sprinting to close down the defender and I stopped suddenly. My knee was bent and there was no cutting or anything. I felt an instant pain that spread through out my knee, and a minute later, it was gone. Just like that. Now that I think back on it, I felt a pop, which to anybody who plays a competitive sport knows that hearing or feeling a pop is heart-breaking. I was able to hobble of the field where the trainer came over and started examining me. He asked me to do some things and did the Lachman's test and said that I didn't tear my ACL. I was relieved. He asked me if I could jog and I could, with minimal pain. It just felt really weird, different. At the time, I had no idea what that meant or how to describe it, but now that I know more I know that what I felt was that instability/sliding feeling which basically screams "torn ACL!". However, at the time, I didn't know that so I went to see 4 different doctors (3 specialists, 1 pediatric). I got misdiagnosed 3 times which led to an even harder heart break when my MRI results came in and it was proven that I had torn my left ACL. The thing about my injury
was that it had minimal swelling, I was able to walk right after, even jog a little (with that weird feeling that I now know was the feeling of my being unstable). Throughout the whole thing, I was simply devastated and depressed. Soccer had been and IS my life. I had been playing for around 11 years and had become captain junior year and wanted more than anything to at least play collegiate soccer at the D1 level. And for anyone who knows, D1's recruit early junior year and even late sophomore year. Honestly, I thought my life was over. But then I rehabbed hard, spent most of my time in the gym and I came back. I started practicing full time 6 months out and played my first game at around 9.5 months. I felt that I had started slow and didn't even think that I could tear it again. I didn't wear a brace or a sleeve. I was just getting back into my groove when during my 4th game after surgery, I was sprinting and my right leg didn't stabilize and I went down. The trainer said that I had torn my MCL, but at that time, I didn't trust any trainers or doctors except my personal orthopedic surgeon who had done my surgery. We went to him immediately 3 days later and he said that there wasn't a doubt that I had torn my right ACL, had a grade 2 strained MCL, and a grade 1 strained LCL. So that's basically where I am now. I just feel like everything in my life is going down hill. The one thing that I truly loved and was passionate about has basically gone out the window. I failed just when I started getting looks from D3 colleges and started feeling happy again. My surgery is scheduled for the 21st of January and I plan on having an allograft done. I had an autograft patellar tendon last time to minimize rehabilitation time. However, I want to take things slow this time and make sure that nothing goes wrong. But it's really hard to keep my head up at this time when I feel that everything I learned from my last surgery and injury just went out the door. Why did this have to happen to me? Maybe God's punishing me? I don't really know.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story.

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